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  • Ela Senghera

Find "The One" by Finding Yourself

A happy woman at the top of a hill

Have you ever felt like you're going in circles in your search for "the one"? Endlessly swiping, going on awkward first dates, trying to force a connection that's just not there? What if I told you the secret to finding your soulmate actually starts with looking within?

Finding true love and a life partner is a dream for many people. But often we focus too much on finding the perfect person before doing the inner work on ourselves first. The journey to self-discovery and fulfilment needs to come before the search for "the one." Before you can attract the love you desire, you need to develop love for yourself. Here are some simple but powerful steps to get to know yourself on a deeper level and become a good partner material before you attract the right partner:

  1. Focus on your passions and purpose What truly motivates you and brings you joy? Invest time in activities and hobbies that light you up inside. When you are energized and doing what you love, you radiate positivity that draws others to you.

  2. Get to know yourself deeply Do some introspective work through journaling, therapy, or taking personality tests. Understand what makes you tick, your core values, and any inner wounds to heal. Listening to your inner critic helps you know what you want and need in a relationship.

  3. Set boundaries and standards Know your dealbreakers and what you absolutely need in a healthy partnership. Having strong boundaries means you won't compromise your self-worth or accept less than you deserve. Self worth and positive self esteem is everything !

  4. Take care of your mental health Don't neglect self-care. Make time for therapy, meditation, or whatever nurtures your spirit. Healing yourself gives you strong foundations to create a healthy relationship.

  5. Define your dealbreakers Know which core values and traits are non-negotiable for you in a future partner. This will save you time and will provide clarity when evaluating potential matches. It will also limit future frustrations

  6. Visualize your ideal relationship Picture the type of bond you want to create. Think about and imagine how you and your partner communicate, support each other, share laughter and intimacy. This vision will guide you torwards what you desire the most.

  7. Love and accept yourself for whom you are You can't expect someone else to love you until you love and accept yourself. If you don't, any affection, compliments or attempts for closeness will feel unnatural. Work on the areas of yourself that make you feel insecure and practise seeing your strengths.

  8. Appreciate the journey Don't rush or force things. Enjoy each step, each date, and each lesson along the way. Trust that when the time is right, it will happen.

When you've done the inner work and connected to your values and your desires, you'll feel ready in your heart, mind and spirit to call in the love you deserve. You'll feel whole, not seeking someone to complete you, but to complement you on your life journey.

How to Know You've Found Yourself and are Ready to Attract the One:

  • You have a strong sense of self-worth and self-esteem

  • You feel confident in expressing your needs and desires

  • You've let go of past hurts or limiting beliefs

  • Your happiness stems from within, not from others

  • You have clarity around your values and boundaries

  • You feel calm and grateful for positive aspects of your life

The search for "the one" starts with you. By taking the time to focus on your own growth, interests, values and dreams, you put yourself in the best position to recognize the right partner when they come along. Get to know yourself deeply, tend to your spirit, and you'll attract the love you seek.

If you want more tips on loving yourself fully and navigating modern dating, check out my new book "Finding Love" on Amazon. It has so much helpful guidance on becoming your best self in relationships!

With patience and faith, your soulmate is out there waiting for you - but start by looking within. That's where the real magic happens.

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