Finding a balance between ''me'' and ''us

Do you remember that feeling when you first started dating someone new? The butterflies in your stomach, the constant desire to be together, the merging of your lives. It was magical. But it was also so all-consuming. In those early stages, it's so tempting to spend every waking minute with your new love. To tell them your deepest secrets, cancel plans with friends, and make your new relationship the centre of your universe. I've been there. And chances are, you have too. The thing is, amidst all that new relationship energy, it's incredibly easy to lose yourself. To compromise your needs, values, and boundaries without even realizing it. To get so caught up in the "us" that "me" fades into the background.

I'm here to tell you - don't let that happen! As intoxicating as those early days are, you must hold onto you. While intimacy and closeness in a relationship are beautiful, it's essential not to lose connection with yourself. This involves finding a balance between couple time and creating intentional space for your self-care, growth and solitary pursuits.

Here are a few simple ways to keep your sense of self alive while still nurturing your new partnership:

• Keep up your own hobbies and friend groups. Don't let them fall by the wayside when you’re with someone new. Don't drop that book club or running group you love. Maintain parts of your life that belong just to you.

• Take regular solo trips and outings, even just a walk in the park alone. Spending time alone helps you reconnect with your own needs and interests, apart from the relationship.

• Communicate your boundaries. Be clear about what you will and won’t compromise on to maintain your sense of self, even if it means having difficult conversations. Compromise thoughtfully but know your dealbreakers.

• Communicate your needs. Speak up when you require more alone time or space. A caring and understanding partner will understand your need for that.

• Check in with yourself. Notice when you’re starting to feel resentment, longing for alone time, or a loss of identity. These clues mean it’s time to pull back and work on developing your self-awareness.

• Support each other’s growth. A strong relationship allows each person to keep pursuing their dreams and personal passions.

• Value your interdependence. The healthiest unions involve two complete, fulfilled people coming together - not two incomplete halves desperate for a “missing puzzle piece.” You should complement each other's lives and not complete them.

When you meet someone who seems like your perfect match, it’s tempting to create your whole world around them. But it’s crucial that you continue nurturing your individual identity while investing in the “us.” This will only help you to create stronger basis for a meaningful, lasting union. One where two whole people come together, without losing sight of themselves. This balance helps the relationship flourish because both people feel secure in who they are. Prioritising your self-care and personal growth allows you to bring your best self to the partnership. It will also prevents resentment.

Embrace the excitement of new love, but also make space for you. It's the best thing you can do for the relationship - and for yourself. The strongest unions are those where two whole people come together, without losing themselves.

FURTHER HELP

As a certified CBT therapist and a relationship coach I’m passionate about helping people like you create happier relationships. Whatever is that you face today, having support from a coach can be invaluable and give you the tools and motivation to transform your life. You can book coaching or therapy by sending email to info@virtuallythrive.com