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  • Ela Senghera

Real Love in Modern Times



In today's world of swiping left and right, it's easy to get caught up in the idea that true love will just magically happen if you find the "right" person. Romantic comedies and fairytales make it seem like love at first sight is real and that when you meet "the one," the rest will just fall into place....


However the truth is, real and lasting love takes work. It's a conscious choice you make, not something that mystically happens by chance. And to tell the truth LOVE is a verb - it's something you do, something you build each day through your actions. Love is not just a feeling. And im not sure about you , but from my perspective waiting for a "perfect" person who effortlessly complements you is a recipe for disappointment. This is because real people have flaws, quirks, and challenges. But working through those together is what builds intimacy and connection...


WHAT DOES ''REAL LOVE'' MEAN?


It means...


  • Choosing your partner again and again. Make the decision each day to hear, accept and love your partner, even when you have disagreements. And not take them for granted.

  • Making them a priority. Set aside dedicated couple time and show you value the relationship through your actions. Don't let other commitments put a shadow on your partnership.

  • Communicating openly and honestly. Share your authentic thoughts and feelings, even when it's uncomfortable. Active listening and vulnerability build trust, empathy and understanding.

  • Supporting each other's dreams. Encourage your partner's personal growth and aspirations. Believing in them and being their cheerleader as they pursue their goals and passions

  • It means actively listening, but also hearing them and showing empathy and understanding torward their needs

  • Respecting each other's need for individuality and being alone and give each other space to grow and develop

  • Respect each other boundries and limits. Talk about it with courage and grace.

  • Weathering life's storms together. Tough times will come, but you handle them as a team. Draw strength from one another and cling closer through challenges.


The fairytales and romantic comedies we see in movies and TV paint an unrealistic picture of love. They make us believe in fantastical ideas like love at first sight, finding a "soulmate" who perfectly complements us, and that attraction alone can sustain a lasting bond. This fantasy version of love sells well but proves disappointing and unsustainable in the real world. It causes our lack of connection with ourselves, unreasonably high expectations, lack of longterm commitmment and poor intimacy..


Lasting love between flawed human beings takes effort and intention. While magic moments happen, true connection is built slowly over time. There are concrete ways to cultivate love that can weather life's storms and grow deeper year after year. Disillusioned by media myths, many give up on finding ''real love''. But it is within reach if you focus on developing core foundations like understanding of self, friendship, effective communication, emotional maturity, and commitment. With realistic expectations and active care, you can build a love to last a lifetime.


How to cultivate Lasting Love?


  • Getting to know yourself first. Do the self-work to understand your needs and growth areas before entering a relationship. Be ready to share yourself.

  • Developing emotional maturity. Grow your empathy, communication skills, self-awareness, and resilience. These equip you to navigate relationship ups and downs.

  • Building trust and friendship. The strongest relationships have affection and mutual support underpinning them. Nurture the friendship as much as the romance.

  • Keeping passion alive. Make intimate time together a priority. Try new experiences and adventures to deepen your connection. Make time to build routines and rituals together. Affection and attraction matter.

  • Making a commitment to the relationship. Give your all to making it work long-term. Work through issues versus running away. Invest in the partnership.


Love is a garden you tend to daily, not a finished product. It requires care, compromise, and commitment. But the rewards are immense - having someone who truly knows and accepts you, supports your growth, and shares a life with you. So don't get disheartened by the lack of fairytale love stories in real life. Focus instead on cultivating the ingredients for real and lasting love. With conscious effort and care, you can create a love that stands the test of time. Remember that true love is something you build, not something that magically happens to you. With care and effort, real love is possible - even in modern times.


If you're interested in learning more about building real love that lasts, check out my book "Finding Love: Navigating Relationships in the Modern World" on Amazon. It provides practical tips and advice drawn from research and real-life relationships.



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