The Toxic Family Members to Avoid When Healing from Trauma

Emotional trauma can have a profound impact on our lives, shaping our beliefs, emotions, and behaviours. In this post, we'll explore the characteristics of emotional trauma and discuss five types of family members you should consider avoiding during your healing process. Emotional trauma results from experiencing distressing or life-altering events that we couldn't process at the time. These events can include abuse, neglect, accidents, natural disasters, loss, or witnessing violence. The impact of emotional trauma can manifest in various ways:

• Intense Feelings: Overwhelming emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, guilt, or shame. Individuals that experience emotional trauma can experience flashbacks or intrusive memories of the traumatic events leading to heightened anxiety and distress. These can occur unexpectedly and may even trigger strong emotional reactions that you don't always understand 

• Emotional Flashbacks and Intrusive Thoughts: Many of us coping with emotional trauma may attempt to avoid reminders of the traumatic events, which can include people, places, or activities that are associated with the trauma. This avoidance can lead to isolation and withdrawal from relationships and activities that once brought us joy 

• Avoidance: Steering clear of people, places, or activities associated with the trauma. Many of us coping with emotional trauma may attempt to avoid reminders of the traumatic events, which can include people, places, or activities that are associated with the trauma. This avoidance can lead to isolation and withdrawal from relationships and activities that once brought us joy 

• Hyper-arousal: Feeling constantly on edge or in danger. Trauma can lead to a heightened state of alertness, causing us to feel constantly on edge or in danger. This hyper arousal can manifest as irritability, difficulty concentrating, insomnia, and an exaggerated startle response 

• Numbness and Detachment: Emotional disconnection as a coping mechanism. Some of us may experience emotional numbness or a sense of detachment from our feelings or even our surroundings. This can be a coping mechanism to protect us against overwhelming emotions, but it can also lead to difficulties in connecting with others.

The Impact of Trauma on Our State of Mind:

Trauma can significantly alter our perception of the world and ourselves. Here are some examples how emotional trauma can affect us:

• Altered Perception of Safety: Heightened vigilance and caution in everyday situations. Emotional trauma can fundamentally change how we perceive safety and our place in the world and our trust in the world. We can become hyper vigilant or overly cautious, which can lead to anxiety and stress in everyday situations 

• Self-Perception and Identity Issues: Emotional trauma can impact how we see ourselves, literally our sense of worthiness. We can have feelings of inadequacy and blame ourselves for our feelings and even the trauma which can lead to a negative self perception and identity issues 

• Difficulty Regulating Emotions: Those of us with emotional trauma struggle to manage our emotions effectively. We can experience mood swings, emotional outbursts, or feelings of being emotionally overwhelmed, making it hard to maintain relationships and cope with daily challenges

• Cognitive Distortions: Emotional trauma can lead to distorted thinking patterns such as catastrophizing, expecting the worst, black and white thinking can further exacerbate anxiety and depression. 

• Social Withdrawal: As a result of our inner emotional turmoil and being unable to cope, we may withdraw from social interactions, which can lead to isolation and terrible loneliness. This withdrawal can prevent us from seeking support and can worsen our health over time.

• Increased Risk of Mental Health Issues: It's not your fault, but emotional trauma that goes unchecked is associated with a higher risk of developing mental health disorders, including post traumatic stress disorder or complex PTSD, depression, anxiety disorders and substance abuse issues. 

  
  

Five Family Members to Avoid During Healing:

• The Critic: Constantly offers negative feedback, undermining self-esteem and hindering progress. This family member frequently offers negative feedback or judgement. Their tendency to criticise can undermine your self esteem and hinder your healing process. They may discount or devalue your experiences. They can judge your progress and minimise what you're feeling. They may also compare your experience with some of theirs or someone they know and insist you should be further along or they can discount the validity of what you are experiencing. It's essential to avoid this family member during this time because healing from trauma requires a supportive environment where you feel safe to express yourself. The critic's constant negativity can erode your sense of reality and ability to begin trusting your inner experiences, making it harder to acknowledge and process your feelings. Instead of feeling empowered to heal, you may become defensive, leading to further emotional distress and potentially stalling your recovery 

  
  

• The Denier: Refuses to acknowledge the trauma or its effects, leading to feelings of invalidation.  This person refuses to acknowledge the trauma or its effects, often insisting that everything is fine or that you should just get over it. Their lack of understanding can make you feel isolated and invalidated in your experiences. They may even accuse you of lying, exaggerating, or making things up. So it's important to avoid this person because healing from this type of emotional trauma involves recognizing and validating your unique experiences. The deniers refusal to acknowledge your pain can create a sense of isolation and make you question reality. This lack of validation can hinder your ability to process your feelings and may lead to feelings of shame or guilt for even having experienced trauma at all. And because emotional trauma is not something you can see, it may cause you to distrust the impact of what has occurred. Leading to you living in a survival response such as freeze, flea or fight.

  
  

• The Family Martyr: Overshadows your experiences with their own suffering, preventing you from feeling seen and understood. This family member tends to play the victim, or they tend to act like their own suffering is more significant than yours. They may share their thoughts and struggles in a way that overshadows your experiences, which prevents you from feeling seen, heard, and understood. It's a good idea to avoid this person because the martyrs tendency to shift focus onto their own suffering or their own past experiences can diminish the significance of your trauma. This can create an environment where you feel like your healing journey is secondary to their needs or their experiences or opinions. It may also lead to feelings of guilt for wanting to prioritise your own healing, which can complicate your recovery process. The martyr's propensity to continually speak of their suffering and the suffering of others can cause you to recoil and second guess what you're feeling. It can cause you to second guess what you need and diminish your growing attempts to learn to and integrate the trauma you're wishing to recover from 

  
  

• The Over-Controlling: Attempts to dictate your healing process, creating additional stress and limiting personal autonomy. This family member may try to dictate how you should feel or what steps you should take in your healing process. They are controlling nature and can create additional stress for you and hinder your ability to make personal choices about your unique recovery work. They may impose their solutions or timelines on your healing journey. So it's important to limit contact with this family member or avoid them entirely because healing is a personal and individual process that requires autonomy. The overly controlling family members' insistence on managing your recovery can create resistance and resentment and cause you to feel even more powerless than you already feel. This can prevent you from exploring your own needs and preferences, which are crucial for genuine healing. 

  
  

• The Drama Queen/King: Exaggerates situations and emotions, distracting you from your healing journey and creating a chaotic environment. This family member exaggerates situations and emotions, drawing attention to themselves. Their tendency to create drama can distract you from your healing process and make it difficult to have open and honest conversations about what you're feeling and your trauma.This person tends to lack self-awareness, empathy and humility. They are so focused on themselves that any hint that energy may be diverted from them triggers them into needing to create some form of drama which allows for energy to be taken from you and placed back upon them. These are often covert and or overt narcissists. They have a pervasive pattern of self grandiosity and entitlement. They also tend to have a high conflict personality due to their thin skin nature. It's important to avoid this person, especially when healing, because this dramatic personality can create a chaotic environment that distracts you from your healing process. Their tendency to escalate situations can lead to heightened stress and anxiety, making it difficult for you to focus on your own emotions and needs. 

Healing from emotional trauma requires a supportive and understanding environment. By recognizing these challenging family dynamics and setting appropriate boundaries, you can create a space that promotes safety, validation, and growth. Surround yourself with empathetic individuals who can facilitate your healing process and help you reclaim your personal power and self-worth.

If you have experienced trauma and are not sure how to start your healing process we are here to support you. Get in touch via email info@virtuallythrive.com and book your first session free of charge.

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