Relationship Red Flags We All Ignore

Hello you

We have October and a change of season. With Autumn here and Winter coming with big steps, many of us are thinking about the end of the year and Christmas soon approaching. As we enter this season of reflection, many begin turning their sights to the fast-approaching holiday festivities. Between the falling leaves, cosy sweaters, and pumpkin spice treats, it's easy to get caught up in the magic of autumn. However, for those embarking on new romantic relationships, it’s important not to let the spirit of the season fully sweep you off your feet. Enjoy the seasonal joy, but keep grounded enough to spot any red flags before you’re trapped in a winter of discontent. Though opening your heart is always a risk, being aware of potential warning signs can help you avoid relationships doomed to wither.

We've all been there before - head over heels for someone new, so caught up in all the butterflies and warm fuzzies that we miss the red flags waving right in front of our faces. But those early days of infatuation can make us turn a blind eye to some sketchy behaviour from our new partner. Behavior we usually wouldn't accept, but tell ourselves, "Eh, they're not perfect" or "I can change them." Those little nagging concerns you ignore now because you're love drunk? They won't get better with time - they'll just become huge problems down the road. So as the days grow shorter and the air grows colder, appreciate each moment, but enter any new romance with care, discernment and wisdom.

Here are some examples of relationship red flags we ignore at the start, only to regret later:

• Controlling or possessive behaviour. At first, it might make you feel special they want to spend 24/7 with you. But soon enough, those constant "where are you" texts go from cute to suffocating. Attempting to isolate you from friends and family or guilt-tripping you for wanting independence are glaring red flags and a form of manipulation.

• Dishonesty. Even "little white lies" about inconsequential things or major omissions of important truths are problematic. You deserve openness and honesty. Dishonest partners often lie to hide other behaviours they know won't be accepted and often hide bigger issues. This erodes trust, which is essential in a healthy relationship and without complete trust, relationships have a tendency to crumble.

• Quick temper. Frequent bouts of anger, hostility or short temper over minor issues often indicate a deeper instability and lack of self-control that could unleash verbal or emotional abuse you do not deserve. The occasional heated argument is normal for any couple. But a partner who flies off the handle frequently or seems quick to anger likely has deeper issues like poor impulse control.

• Disrespect. Partners who lack basic respect, offer criticism and not constructive feedback, ignore your needs, and create an imbalance in the relationship should be viewed cautiously no matter how promising the partnership seems initially, as disrespect tends to amplify over time. You deserve to be treated well. This can lead to you losing your identity completely.

• Irresponsibility. We all can be forgetful or scatterbrained sometimes. But a partner who can't hold down a job, pay bills on time or frequently forgets plans and obligations should raise concerns. Unchanging irresponsibility and unreliability eventually pose too great an obstacle to building any sort of stable future together. How can you build a future with someone who's perpetually unreliable?

• Love bombing. Sweeping you off your feet with over-the-top romance and promises for the future so early on - that's called love bombing. And while all that attention may feel amazing at the moment, be cautious. Excessive flattery and gifts often taper off once the honeymoon phase passes. Grand relationship plans made when you barely know someone can feel tempting but are usually unrealistic. Take it slow. The right partner will want to build something real with you, not just overwhelm you with fairy tales.

Overlooking concerns early on often leads to heartache down the road. It's important to keep your eyes open to potential red flags and not allow yourself to get blinded by strong emotions. Take things slowly and watch for concerning behaviours, no matter how much you like this person or if you really want things to work out between you two.

Tips to avoid missing red flags:

• Trust your instincts if you notice strange or concerning behaviours

• Speak about your concerns directly with them and leave the relationship if the negative behaviour persist

• Notice how your body feels when you are around them. Our body is our feedback system. It often tells us when something is off.

• Take it slowly and don't rush things. There is no need to rush what in many cases, should be a lifelong union between two people

• Do you feel happy, safe and at ease in their company? Like you can be fully yourself?

• Listen to the advice of friends and family - they may notice red flags you miss

• Pay attention to how they treat others - it tells a lot about their character

• Don't give up your interests, hobbies, or time with friends

• Notice how they react

• Know your values and non-negotiable deal breakers and stand firm on them

The takeaway is this: Trust your gut. Trust your own instincts - if you notice red flags early on, pay attention to those inner warnings, no matter how intrigued you feel by the other person. None of these concerning behaviours tends to dissipate over time, even if affection grows, so it's crucial to identify potential dealbreakers and refrain from romanticizing or making excuses for them. You have the power to recognize when someone's actions don't establish the kind of emotional safety, security and ease that a healthy relationship requires. Don't ignore those red flags in hopes they'll shift on their own - prolonging connections with incompatible partners will only lead to greater heartache down the road.

If you feel you want to learn more strategies for fostering meaningful bonds while avoiding common relationship pitfalls, check out my new book Finding Love: Navigating Relationships in the Modern World, available now on Amazon! In this comprehensive guide, I synthesize insights to offer actionable advice on cultivating healthy, empowered and long-lasting romance and provide actionable tips for building healthy, long-lasting love. Get your copy today.

Laying the groundwork for robust relationships means bravely acknowledging red flags early on and addressing them head-on rather than brushing them aside. You deserve a caring partner who treats you with respect and honesty at all times - this is non-negotiable. If you observe persistent warning signs in a new partnership, be willing to let go and redirect your energy toward someone more compatible. Staying attuned to your core needs and emotional well-being is the clearest pathway to discovering a love that helps you flourish.